… or at least that’s what gets hammered into us from the moment we’re old enough to understand.
But when does that statement stop being law?
You would think that when we become parents ourselves our mother would loosen the reigns a little?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful for everything that my Mum has done for me and I realise that I’m lucky to have someone who cares as much as she does. But there are times when I think she crosses a line. She crosses the line where her motherly advice borders dictatorship.
A strong word. But that’s how it feels at times.
There are occasions when I ask for advice. Key word here: advice. What I get in return is a 30 minute rant about if I just did what she said things would be OK.
Well, I’m not my mother and I’ll be damned if I’m going to continue to be told how to live my life into my 30’s. I didn’t do it my teens, or my twenties and I’m sure as hell not going to do it now. I came to realise a while ago that she has started to become harder and harder to have form of conversation with since I had my daughter.
What should be simple words of advice become a set of rules that I must follow without question if I want to live without fear or retribution.
Who lives like that?
You know, we had a massive, massive argument a few months ago because I said I had been to a friends baby shower!
I was told in no uncertain terms that my place was at home, that I was her mother, she was my responsibility and that I had absolutely no right to go out ‘gallivanting’ whilst my daughter was at home. She went as far as to hint that I was some whore!
She took great delight in telling me that when we were all small she didn’t go out till we were 5 years old and I had no right to walk outside the path she walked.
For the record, my daughter was safe, warm and tucked up safely in bed, being looked after by her father and I was out for 90 minutes and had one small glass of wine.
How dare someone, regardless of who they are, try and make me feel bad for wanting to have a life. I work full time to provide whatever my daughter needs. My other half and I work put a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our back and if I want some time for myself when I know she’s safe and well then I will. And nothing anyone can say(or yell) to me is going to make me feel bad about it.
I am not my mother. I have my own set of rules, my own set of expectations and I will decide what is an is not acceptable behaviour in my family. When and if I want someone’s opinion. I will ask for it. Don’t get offended if I don’t follow your advice.
If my mum taught me one thing growing up it was to speak my mind and live my life.
Maybe she taught me that lesson to her own detriment.