Miss Cherry Red

Motherhood. Love. Life. And everything in between


I will never understand the male psyche?

I mean, what personality characteristic is it that some men possess that allows them to believe it’s OK to cheat on their wife and children?

I have been in relationships where the man I’ve been with cheat.  I’ve heard countless times the old ‘it’s-not-you-it’s-me story.

I know it’s not.  I know I’m not the problem, because if I was – we’d have talked about it.

Which begs the question – what is it about you that makes you want to sneak about town behind your partners back, lie to their face and deliberately deceive them?  Does the adrenalin pump so hard that it feels like a drug induced high?  Something you can’t get enough of and that, since you weren’t caught, you feel is your right to have over and over again?

I do not like men who cheat and I despise any form of liar.  Anyone who tells me that either I was lied to or someone else was lied to for ‘their own good’ should be slapped.  Lying to save someones feelings is not acceptable and quite frankly I’d rather you didn’t spare them.

Besides my own experience, here’s what happened to only reaffirm my belief:

My friend (who shall remain anonymous) met a man in September 2008.  She was absolutely bowled over by him.  So much so that when she went on a once in a lifetime trip around Australia in the December of that year she didn’t take up a single offer of a date that she got during her trip.

Before she left for Oz, things with her and Mr X got quite serious.

Problems started at 5 weeks into them dating when he slipped himself up.  Up until that point he’d made references to his son (who he’d been quite open about) and his ex girlfriend.  He let it slip during one conversation that his ex girlfriend was actually his wife. And not an ex-wife.  One he was still (unhappily) married to.  Oh dear.

Why she didn’t walk away at that point is beyond me.  I couldn’t tell you how many times I tried to convince her to leave his lying ass.  Afterall, if he lied about something monumental like his marital status – what else was he lying about?

Well, he was also lying about the fact that his (ex) wife was pregnant!  Pregnant for christ sake??  How do you ‘forget’ to tell someone that your wife is expecting your SECOND child?  Things at home can’t be that bad surely because 15 weeks ago they were good enough for you to have sex with and impregnate your wife!!!!

She went to Oz in December with a view to thinking it over.  He gave her some waffle about how she’d blown him away, he’d never felt like this …. <insert more lies here>

She didn’t take up a single offer of a date that she had whilst she was away.  In fact, she couldn’t wait to get home and see him.

So she got back to the UK, carried on seeing him and carried on believing every lie that came out of his mouth.  Stuff like ‘I love you so much….’, ‘I’ve never felt like this before’, ‘I feel alive when I’m with you’, and my personal favourite: ‘there is nothing between my wife and I.  It’s over’

He told her over and over again that he was going to leave his wife but that he couldn’t because he needed to know where he stood with access to his kids.  He promised her that once he’d seen a solicitor he would move out.  Hell, he even told me the same thing, in February this year to be exact.

His second child was born at the end of March.  A date which, by his own admission, he didn’t know.  How can you not know when your baby is due for crying out loud?

It took him months to see the solicitor.  July to be precise.  Then he found more excuses why he couldn’t leave his wife.  His wife was poorly because she was breastfeeding, his wife’s grandpa was poorly.  Excuse after excuse after excuse.

But the saddest thing is that all the while he was letting his son establish a relationship with my friend.

His wife found out eventually.  The spineless sod left a photo of him and my friend lying around for his wife to find.  He protested that it was an accident and that he never meant for her to find out like that (more lies).  For one brief moment, I thought maybe, just maybe, he was going to turn a corner and do the right thing.

No.  He had hoped his wife would make things easy for him, packs his bag and throw him out.  But she decided that she was going to fight for her man and insisted they go for counselling.

Mr X told my friend that he had to be silent for a while and that she couldn’t text him or contact him.  He would contact her.

In the end, my friend got so sick of listening to his excuses and not seeing any positive actions on his part she told him to leave her alone.  Don’t call her, don’t text or email her.  No more contact – she was quite insistent.  I could hear the angel’s singing ‘Hallelujah’.  I even took some time out to thank God for letting her see sense!

Too good to be true though.  Mr X couldn’t leave it.  He was back in touch and telling her that he didn’t want to lose her.  Armed with more promises that he would explain whats going on.

He got in touch today after 2 weeks of silence but only to tell her that it’s clear they’ve both moved on and that’s it.

No matter how much I think about what has happened, I can not fathom what drives someone to lie, deceive and mislead people.  Especially people they claim to love.

I don’t condone my friends actions.  She openly chose to carry on a relationship with someone she knew was married with children.  But are her crimes worse than his?  Despite her pleas he kept her his dirty little secret.

He lied.  He cheated.  Nothing will make that better.

4 thoughts on “lie to me….

  1. Ken Kendall says:

    I can only say that when anyone is able to cheat on anyone else, there is no respect, there is no relationship, there is no love.

    I write a blog about love, marriage and how men should better treat their wives. Check it out when you have a chance.

    http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

    Thanks,

  2. misscherryred says:

    I couldn’t agree more and it kills me to see her hurt so much but the person I really feel for is his wife. The woman who not only had a son with him, but gave birth to their second child completely oblivious to what he was up to and what he was he doing.

    It’s sad.

    I’ve had a poke about your blog (thank you for the link) and I think it’s fair to say that you are one of the few as opposed to one of the many !

    Hope you enjoy the other posts

  3. Sad, very sorry to hear your friend felt the need to experience this. I too agree the “wife” is truly the one I feel for. For as the man…do you think the situation would have turned out diffrent had he spoke the truth? Had he been truthful from the start, as in ” I’m married, have a preg. wife and a 2nd child…wanna still bang around even though I’ll never leave her”? There are NO excuses for this type of behaviour, but… had he been honest, upfront with your friend, who’s to say it would have turned out any diffrent. She was clearly smitten by the fellow and I feel she still would have played it out till it ended. Well, sad none the less, we live, we love…we learn? thanks for the post, take care.

  4. misscherryred says:

    I think had everyone been honest from the very start then things could have played out differently.
    If he was genuine about not wanting to be with his wife and was upfront with her about where he stood emotionally then everyone would have been on a level playing field and I tried to get him to tell his wife several times but I knew deep down that things couldn’t have been as bad as he claimed because he never did anything about it.

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