… really piss me off.
Sorry. But they do.
So much so that I’m thinking about cut one out of my life. Which is turning out to be a not so easy decision to follow through on because this friend, D, she’s been one of my closest friends for 15 years.
But surely friendship goes both ways. Doesn’t it? Or am I wrong?
D and I have been through so much together. We’ve supported each other with comforting DVD’s and tub of icecream when either of were dumped by a less than deserving boyfriend. When our families felt like they were falling apart and we needed a rock.
I remember three years ago she started ignoring my calls. On the occassions she did answer the phone I’d get one word answers to my questions and protestations that she’s fine. Which she clearly wasn’t. So I turned to her husband to find out what was going on. I knew if I couldn’t break D, I’d certainly break A. He is without doubt the worst liar I’ve ever met. Honestly – he’s crap at it. Good thing too.
He said that everything was fine and that they were ‘stuck in a rut’. Uh huh. The last time they were in a rut he slept with someone else. Admittedly they were 17 and 19 at the time of that occurance but still, a leopard doesn’t change it’ spots does it?
I did the only thing I could think of. I booked a flight and ordered her husband to pick me up at the airport. D needed me and whether she chose to admit or not, she was pleased to see me.
That 90 minute journey from the airport to their home was absolute hell. You know that really awkward silence you have sometimes when you realise that the person you’re with doesn’t really like you and vice versa: the blind date that is the ultimate chalk and cheese? Yeah? Well that was us! We’d been friends for over 10 years yet for the first 60 minutes, we sat in silence like strangers. Until my gob ran away with itself and I made the first dig:
Me: Are you having an affair?
A: <with a horrified look on his face> NO! Of course not!
Me: You’re lying
A: I’m not. I love D. We’re just stuck in a rut.
Me: You’re still lying A. Don’t forget, I was here cleaning up the fall out of the last time you were stuck in a rut and it was all I could do to get D to speak to you again. So don’t bullshit me.
D: I’m not. Honest, we’re just in this place. You know, things are different but the same. You know what D’s like. She’s hard work. Nothing is ever right. Nothing I do is right. We don’t spend anytime together because of work. That’s it. I promise.
Me: Don’t make me a promise you can’t keep. If you’re having an affair then I suggest you tell D because if you’re lying, and I will find out if you’re lying I will tell her. Then you and I are done.
The rest of the journey was silent.
I don’t know why – call it sixth sense, but I knew he was lying. I knew it. And what really fucked me off was that I had to fork out over £130 for return flights to get him to tell his wife he was up to no good.
I arrived at their home on the Friday morning. By the early hours of Sunday morning D knew everything.
D and I got separated on a night out so I went to hers to wait for her. I saw a car parked on the other side of the road. In that car was a woman. A blond, slim woman. Before I had chance to engage my brain I opened the car door (although the while hoping she didn’t go ape shit and punch me) and said ‘You’re the one he’s sleeping with’
At that point D arrived, found out what was going on and it all kicked off!
Thankfully D & A are in a far happier place now. That’s all behind them.
Mind you, I’ve had my own fair amount of crap to deal with and D has always provided a shoulder to cry on. When my brother died, D was there so fast. It was like someone shoved a rocket up her ass.
But that is the last time I really remember her being there.
Whenever she’s had a problem and she’s called me or text me, I’ve been there. I’ve called her back. I return her messages. I help her feel better about what’s going on and try to put a different spin on things. Get her to see the positive and not the negative.
But when I’ve called her, or I’ve had a rough time of things recently – she’s never there.
I mean, I know I have The Hot Geek and I love him more than ever for that, but sometimes I need the shoulder of my oldest girlfriend and that hasn’t been there. At all.
And it hurts. It hurts to know that she really only contacts me when she’s in need.
You’ll probably tell me I should talk to her. Well, I tried. Several times. She either ignores me (gasp with shock) or she tells me that everyone has their problems.
So the question remains: do I give up and walk away and save myself the grief. Or do I persevere?
Answers on a postcard please