That was what I thought about my 3½ year old on Saturday.
Jesus, she was horrible. Just bloody horrible.
The Hot Geek, The Girl and I had gone to Kent to visit his family and his sister asked me to go out with her in the evening. One major issue: I didn’t take anything to wear out and the comfy oversized woolly jumper wasn’t going to cut it.
So off we all trot to the local shopping centre for me to look for a top and pair of shoes.
What’s so difficult about that you ask?
Well it’s difficult when you have a small person with cast iron will following you round screaming from the top of their lungs and sporting a big, red, tear filled face.
She had seen two things on some ill-placed kiddies stand that had things like beads, bracelets, hair clips and the such like on it.
Bastard shop keeper.
Adorning the rack were what rapidly became her two favourite things: a white hair band with a small gold angel on it and a pink pen with a pink fluffy feather on the top it.
The Girl had, up until this point been very good. So the conversation went a bit like this:
Me: Do you like those?
The Girl: Yeah, they are very nice
Me: Would you like one?
The Girl: What me?
Me: Yes you, nitwit. Daddy wont want one will he?
The Girl: *giggles* no!
Me: Which one would you like?
Wait for it…..
The Girl: Both
Me: No, you can have one. So you choose.
She screamed at me that she wanted both. She needed both. She had to have both.
It was official: we were at war.
I dug deep, to that place that SuperNanny tells you should go when you can feel things are about to boil over. I bent down, looked her firm in the eye and said “I have said that you can have one because you’ve been such a good girl. But if you carry on being naughty, you won’t get either”.
I can only compare her reaction to that of a bull having a huge red flagged waved in front of it’s face.
She threw both the pen and the hairband at me. Screamed at me. Was going to hit me, but thought better of it. I stood up and attempted to put some distance between us. She opted to follow me round, wailing like a banshee.
Shoppers stopped and stared. They must have wondered what the hell could be so horrendous that it caused a little girl to act like she did?
Think of all the little things your kids do to push your buttons? Yeah – got the list?
Multiply it – you might be close to what she did. Honestly, she used every trick in the book from crying, sobbing, telling me she loved me, saying I was her best friend right through to throwing stuff at me.
The answer was still no and trust me, I may as well have gone out to the car park and told the lamp post.
In the end I told her that she needed to go and stand with Daddy because Mummy wasn’t in a very happy place with her right now and needed some time to calm down.
She screamed NO in my face.
Great. Going well I thought.
Finally The Hot Geek intervened with the distraction technique. No good. She was hell bent on having what she wanted.
I snapped. I admit it. I snapped. I bent down and told her that she had been beyond naughty and that I had had enough of listening to her whinge and scream at me. I told her we were going home and that she could go to bed when she got it.
‘I’m sorry Mummy. Cuddle mummy’ was the response I had through the sobbing and and blood shot eyes and a snuffly nose.
I gave her a cuddle, we got in the car and went home.
The whole car was silent.
There were definitely tears before bedtime. And not just from The Girl.