I never really understood how much I loathe Christmas shopping.
Until I met The Hot Geek.
He drives me fucking insane. Seriously he makes me crazy.
And not the good kind of crazy, I’m talking about the eye twitching, lip curling kind of crazy where it wouldn’t be entirely unreasonable to put my hands around his throat and throttle him.
I have quite a large family. I have 4 brothers, 8 nieces and nephews and more cousins than I care to try and count. Our family has a kind of unspoken understanding that we don’t do big Christmases. Not because we’re tight with money, but because there are just so many of us.
Christmas wasn’t really a big deal when we were little. We didn’t have tons of spare cash and Mum and Dad were always really good at just getting us one or two things, but the kind of things that we really wanted. In my case it was my pink and purple bike. My younger brother Daniel wanted some huge crayola pen set because he was the gay creative one. Michael, the youngest, wanted a pellet gun. He got a spud gun.
Really – what self respecting parent is going to give their 7 year old a pellet gun????
He was more than a little miffed until he realised that firing a piece of potato at my thigh had the same effect as a pellet. Fuck, those little bits of potato hurt.
But I digress.
The Hot Geeks family on the other hand live for Christmas and buying presents. They love to see peoples expression when they open their gift.
Christmas for them is huge. His mum normally hosts Christmas at her house and has everyone over. There’s the Hot Geek, The Girl and I, his brother and sister, his aunt, his cousin and a couple of uncles. The house isn’t huge so it always feel packed.
The Girl is the only ‘small person’ in the family and the expression ‘Christmas is for kids’ couldn’t be truer where the The Hot Geek’s family is concerned.
He loves christmas, loves christmas shopping and could literally spend hours just wandering around the shops, looking at stuff and thinking about who it would better suit and pondering whether he should buy it.
He’s like the chalk to my cheese.
We have a really large town centre jam packed with shops and two really big shopping malls. One of them hosts 2 large department stores each spread over 3 floors. For me, the thought of aimlessly walking around either of them and occasionally stopping to look at something fills me with dread.
Everywhere is busy with people walking really slowly with no real clue of what they want. The town is full of children crying because they’re bored or tired or screaming because they’ve seen yet another Ben 10 action figure that they absolutely must have.
Going shopping normally means taking The Girl who flat out refuses to get into her buggy and be pushed because ‘she’s a big girl and doesn’t need a buggy anymore’. The flip side to that evil coin is that having her walk around means that I’m constantly having to stop to wait for her to either catch me up or to drag away from a shop window kicking and screaming. Why do I have to justify to a screaming, tantrum throwing 3 year old that she does not need a giant 70’s inspired space hopper?
I can not bear it.
I like lists. Call me an anal control freak all you like, but I like lists. I like to know what people want in advance so I can go and buy it. So I don’t have to stand behind the woman with 2 trolley loads of gifts who is still contemplating whether she’s bought the right thing whilst the less-than-bothered check out girl is ringing them through the till.
I like lists because I know that I didn’t buy something for the sake of buying it and that I’m not likely to receive said gift back in about 4 months time for my birthday.
Is that so wrong? Am I really weird?
Perhaps I’ll just do all my shopping online.
Just call me The Grinch.