Miss Cherry Red

Motherhood. Love. Life. And everything in between


I spent months teaching The Girl to speak when she was young.

Here are just four reasons why I wished I hadn’t bothered:

One:

To the checkout lady in Asda whilst I’m packing the shopping:  D’you know, my mummy makes me do the hoovering at home while she drinks wine.

The poor woman serving me looked horrified but I don’t think it’d have been so bad if she weren’t scanning a bottle of rosé just as The Girl opted to tell her story.

For the record, I don’t make her do the hoovering whilst I drink at all.  The hoovers too big for her for one :-)

Two:

In the car on the way home and she’s pretending to have claws: *raises her hand* Don’t make me use these bad boys on you!

Bad boys?  Bad boys?  Where the fuck did she hear that expression from?  I certainly don’t refer to anything as ‘bad boys’.

Three

In the changing room of a rather busy high street store: Mummy, your boobies are reeeeally big and wobbly

Yes.  Thank you for that.

If I didn’t have big-boob-complex already then The Girl broadcasting her opinion on their appearance didn’t help.

Four

On the way out of said changing room: Mummy, when I was a little baby I drank milk from your boobies and I used to say it was yummy.  Didn’t I?

Whilst I’m not embarrassed by the fact that The Girl was breastfed, I’m sure the rest of the changing room didn’t need a) to know or b) the sound affect of how The Girl thinks breastfeeding sounds.

Five

For the whole of Friday afternoon:  Mummy, why aren’t you married to my Daddy?  Don’t you want to marriaged Daddy?  I want you to marriaged Daddy cause I want to be your bridesmaid. Oh and Mummy, I’m really, really, really ready to be a big sister.  I am, I promise.

I could just cry.

Like my uterus wasn’t under enough pressure from family and friends it’s now coming under fire from The Girl.

Enough already.

I spent 3 hours trying to explain why she wasn’t going to be a big sister and why I wasn’t “marriaged” and got nowhere.

Categories: life

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: